As a proud believer, I have only contradictions.
I’m trying to find something worth writing. I’ve been asked recently by a couple of friends — who’ve kindly read, supported and discussed the pieces I’ve published (really, thank you!) — if I have a fresh perspective and take on the current virus ravaging and sowing destruction the world over. And I don’t know what to answer. Firstly, because it is hard to find clarity during this unprecedented chaos. But also because I want to be true to what I represent and I don’t know what it is that others expect.
As a proud believer in a G-d and Creator who only seeks the best for his creations, I can focus, write and preach on the positive “silver linings” and talking points which I have come across and have seen spoken of during this period. I can explain how this pandemic has made us turn inward, and brought us closer to ourselves and our loved ones, if we would only take advantage. Perhaps the scare all around us has made us so much more grateful for our lives, health, and for the food on the table. And for a believer, maybe a shakeup to this extent is here to awaken us from our self-obsession and arrogance, and to remind us that we are humbly in the hands of a Higher Being. I might accept all of that.
Yet, as a believer in a kind and benevolent Creator, I can’t come to grips with the sadness and sickness I see all around me. As a religious Jew who believes he is capable of making a change in this world, both directly and indirectly through acts of goodness, I give aid from my pocket to ease those affected and devote myself heart and soul to a religious life within the privacy of my own home. But none of that has stilled my burning need and want to make the world’s suffering end. And as a man of faith, with the belief that G-d hears our cries, I can’t help but let G-d know, with all the passion I could muster, that I need him to stop doing this to His world.
So I carry on with a hop in my step, with joy, with boundless positivity and faith; and with a broken heart. I humbly accept all of G-d’s judgement; and I am stubbornly set on making it change. I feel blessed and am grateful to G-d for all the kindness that he has bestowed upon me; and I demand of him, for His sake and for the sake of His children, that he has to do us better.
I think so. But that’s the best response I have. Until this is over, I’ll continue smiling. And I won’t stop crying.
May God be with each and every one of you. I pray G-d give you the strength to overcome the hardships that have been thrown into your lives. And may G-d gives us the strength to never cease demanding of Him, until the day all suffering and tears have been laid to rest, that He put an immediate end to this madness.
To everyone out there, please stay safe.
*originally published on the blog athinkingkid.com